A Thousand Suns

the radiance: chapter three

What are the chances? I mean, sure, you would expect someone to recognize something that was theirs, but at the rate Shannon went through drumsticks he surely wouldn’t think much of this, right? Then again, I wasn’t too worried about him recognizing it—it was farfetched to believe he would—but since I took little pride in my musical inaptitude, it made the thought of explaining my possession of it far more terrifying.

I was bending down to get it when I caught myself on Jim’s arm, feeling suddenly very disoriented. I was glad I hadn’t eaten anything, because it would have surely found its way to the ground. As I did this, I saw an arm cluttered with jewelry and the four familiar glyphs on the inner forearm, reach for the drumstick. I wanted to yell at him not to do it, that I would get it, but Jim was helping me up and there was no way I could retrieve it. He widened his eyes at me as his grasp became more encompassing. I shook my head at him—it’s nothing, I’m fine.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, and then lied, “It’s the heels. Vertigo.”

The men gave me sympathetic smiles, and I found comfort in Tomo’s kind face. I’d always liked him best. I was attracted to Shannon, in every sense, but I always found that Tomo would make one of the world’s greatest friends. I smiled back, relinquishing my grasp on Jim and adjusting my legs shoulder-width apart to gain some stability. As I did this, Shannon straightened up before me, and briefly examined the drumstick before handing it over. I waited for him to say something, but all he did was hold it towards me, “Here you go…”

Reaching for the wooden item with downcast eyes, my smile faltered as I offered a mumbled “Thanks…”

I looked up and we made eye contact, though he was quick in averting his gaze and shifting his attention to Jim once again. He suspected nothing. I also presumed they had been in midst of a conversation when I had walked in, and I couldn’t wait for them to return to it so that I could go dig a hole and bury myself in the back. I held onto the drumstick awkwardly, watching as the four pair of eyes in front of me occasionally glanced my way. One of the two unknown faces flashed me a lopsided smirk, and I was going to return it when I noticed he was staring at my bare legs. He blatantly seized me up then, and whilst I had fantasized of men I liked appreciating my figure, I was grossed out when anyone else did it. I averted my gaze, only to meet Shannon’s once again. I swallowed, hard. He didn’t look away this time, and I didn’t dare to either. After a few seconds, he smiled, as though amused, and turned his attention back to Jim.

I released my breath.

“I’m going to help set up…” I mouthed to Jim, offering the men a brief smile before turning on my heel and walking away. I feared that I would trip and they’d see it, but this way was the fastest to get out of their sight, even if it meant turning by back to them and giving them a full-on show of my awkward walking.

* * *

I was glad there was so much work that I had not had a chance to think about what had happened. I was fully aware that there were many famous people around, but I was too jaded to care really. In comparison to Shannon Leto, everyone else paled. But even if there were a few people of interest, this was my work place. With so much responsibility on my back, I couldn’t break character and gravitate towards anyone in particular. In fact, it seemed I put more effort in avoiding people—namely the four men I’d met earlier. I went around doing what was expected of me, but as the evening dragged on and the music continued to thump in the background, I could feel the effects of the aspirin and pain killers wearing off.

I desperately needed a break.

I sneaked into the back room, leaving Harrison in charge. Our shifts usually allowed for down time between customers ordering and the kitchen delivering, so it was very unusual to be walking around for three hours straight with someone always needing me to do or bring them something. I felt like a goddamned maid, but I kept myself from reacting, well aware that I was being paid good money to do this. It was humiliating, yes, but I was aware that my irritability was also the result of unfavorable circumstance I had put myself into by partying the night prior. These people were not all bad, but there were a few, mostly women who I presumed were here to find someone of importance to cling to, who were a real pain in the ass. Any other night I would have toughened up and gone through with it, but I needed to get away, if only for a little while.

I needed to get out of these heels.

Much to my surprise, when I walked out into the hallway lining the back of the restaurant, I was not alone. Usually this place was closed off to customers, but it seemed a group of people had seeped into this particular spot. I took my shoes off anyways, hoping they would not ask anything of me; if they did, I would lie my way out of it, at least for a little while. Their presence irritated me, and I might have chased them out had I had the energy to do so, but I figured that as long as they overlooked my presence, I would overlook theirs. Holding Ava’s black pumps in one hand, I made my way around the cluster of people, paying no attention to their conversation or shadowed faces.

Thankfully the locker room was empty, and I ungracefully plopped down in front of my locker with a loud sigh. Allowing the shoes to drop to the floor, I reached forward for my lock, groaning as my fingers failed to properly work the dial. It took three tries to open the get the combination working, and a few more seconds to battle the lock out of its snug fit on the metal catch.

As I sifted through my bag for the pills, I glanced up at the drumstick. It was the only thing in my locker, and it looked out of place. I took my eyes off it when I heard someone bump into the wall outside, and rolled my eyes. I reached for a tinted plastic tube, courtesy of Ava. Getting up, scowling as my feet ached, I made my way to the sink to swallow the pill. It was morphine, much stronger than the over-the-counter pills I’d taken earlier, but I didn’t take that into consideration as I overlooked my empty stomach.

I plopped back down, this time on the couch that was tucked in the corner opposite the door. I could have easily fallen asleep had I been comfortable, but I was hyperaware of the party. From where I sat I could hear the people immediately outside in the hallway, the walls keeping the exact words from me. I let out a heavy sigh, rolling my eyes and allowing my heavy lids to close.

I had to get back out there, but now that I was here, I really didn’t want to go back.

***

There was a loud thump, shrill laughter and the amplification of sounds which had become so distant I’d forgotten about them. I had been so close to falling asleep when the door was slammed open and a couple staggered into the room. Adrenaline shot through my system, and I was up on my feet before I had made sense of where the ground was. My head was spinning, and I caught myself on the wall as I winced. Whatever pain I’d felt was now replaced by a disorientating feeling I liked even less. I gasped, pressing my hand to my face as I clung to the wall for support.